Archie Pegalowe

Updated 26 June 2013

Archie Pegalowe is many things: an avatar at your service, a game to play and a whole lot of uninhabited islands. Through Archie you can make a game of ridding yourself of annoying persons in a way that perpetually punishes them for said annoyances.

Archie knows the way to an infinitely large archipelago of small desert islands, each with one palm tree, an abundance of sand crabs for food and company and a fresh water spring with which to wash them down. Eah island has a flag pole. All are in sight of the occasional passing ship, shiny and inviting.

Ships pass just close enough to see the flag. The flag is the Jolly Roger, flown upside down in the manner of the universal distress signal. It is often seen, but answered only by the occasional pirate in a manner common to pirates..

At your request Archie will populate an island with your choice of celebrities, two to an island. Once there your choices will never be seen or heard of again. Archie guarantees it. Every year I will evaluate the degree of delicious suitability of all choices and select the one best. Ties go to the first person to make his or her identical request known to Archie.

Delicious suitability is attained when 1) you are delighted to be rid of both; 2) both will be indescribably appalled at the prospect; and 3) thoughts of them living perpetually in a state of high intimacy is pleasurable to you and friends in whom you confide.

Anyone may play their own game of Archie Pegalowe. Perhaps a small circle of close friends may wish to limit it to their larger social set. College freshmen pledging a fraternity or sorority, may wish to consider the current membership now harassing them. Democrats may wish to target republicans (Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachman) or vice versa (Nancy Pelosie and Joe Biden). Qualified historians many even select from the dead of their favorite era: this may seem pointless to the rest of us. Betsy Ross and Benedict Arnold?

Should nobody care to play my game of celebrity pairing, I will call on Archie myself once a year, limiting my choices to famous Floridians. In 2011 I made a trial run and was happy with nominating Tim Tebow and Casey Anthony. By the close of 2012 poor Tim's celebrity was fading fast, however, so I thought to pair Casey with George Zimmerman. This year I'm look for the proper companion for Marko Rubio.  So far nobody quite matches our Marko.

You don't have to pick one of each gender if you don't want to. Odd couples are okay (Barney Frank and Sarah Palin?). In fact there are very few rules: two homo sapiens per island, and don't just pick on Obama. Send your entries to me by commenting on any post in this blog including this one.

This post is dedicated to the late Charles Sheldon Bennett, who first came up with the concept a half century ago. Our friends never knew what hit them.

2013: There are not enough famous Floridians and so why limit myself?  My choice this year is, (ta da!)  Karl Rove and Ann Coulter.