Have your Christmases been all-electronic lately? One of ours certainly was: a new high definition TV, a GPS and one of those electronic picture album thingies.
The TV was up and wonderously clear in time for the Rose Parade, thanks to the local signal provider, who plans a further monthly extraction from our wallets for his trouble. Although the clock only blinks for now. The other two remain resplendent in their boxes. Occasionally we circle them warily.
We appreciate them of course. We will confidently open the boxes any day now, and master their mysteries in good time. Along with the combination digital camera and binoculars given to us a season or so ago.
The new gadgets are so thick on the ground these days it is hard to keep up. Priority setting is needed. Which ones, at this time of counting them, are blessings? Which blessing is Number One and why?
For me it’s hands down the good old TV remote. I panic when it gets lost under the potato chip bag, or joins the dimes deep in the sofa, just when some unctuous voice is telling me what to ask my doctor. Of course most remotes are way too complicated. Two buttons are enough on mine: on/off and mute. My wife picks our channels on hers. We’re good at sharing power.
Next I like my car key at a distance. It is passing cool to unlock the car from the porch in the rain. I understand that some keys will even start the engine at a distance. That may be too complicated. The only time I use the panic sequence is by mistake. But I’m glad it’s there.
A close third, and for many of the same reasons, is the garage door opener. It’s even better now that it has been given the sense not to pin you to the ground. And it gets by with one button. If it’s up it knows to go down and vice versa.
Then there’s that stern disciplinarian, the electric tooth brush with timer. Each quadrant gets brushed equally because it tells you when to shift. You stop brushing when it does. It’s simple, effective, saves you money and your dentist likes you better. I’d like it even better if it wasn’t good for you.
Now we come to the multi-function machine attached to the computer on which I write. I especially like the copier. It reminds me of when I worked, which was so long ago that I had a real secretary who taught me how to use one. I use the printer, of course, but I’m not into scanning much yet. Occasionally, we wish we had bought one with a fax.
Last, and grudgingly, the computer itself is okay, no thanks to Microsoft. I made a career out of tending computers way back when they were room sized. They are a lot smaller now, but not much better once you get past their razzle dazzle specs and over abundant features and talk about what they can do for you. Email is great for passing jokes around and some of the stuff you find when surfing the web is quite startling. And I do like my mouse for Spider Solitare.
I wish the cell phone had never been invented. It’s nothing but an even more ubiquitous telephone intruding within the last bastions of privacy. I keep thinking people are talking to me -- or themselves -- when they are not. It gets tangled up with the car keys in my pocket and only gets taken out for wrong numbers, to turn it off in entertainment venues, or to locate my spouse when we get separated in some big box store.
Next Christmas, just to prove I am not a Luddite, I would like a Roomba and a Segway with a seat. And the Christmas after that I won’t settle for anything less than world peace and my own personal Robot.
No comments:
Post a Comment