Credit Cards For Dummies

Autumn is officially here, and in many parts of the nation there is a bracing chill in the morning air -- although not yet in central Florida. That means, especially in these desperate times, that the holiday shopping season soon will be upon us: "Shop the malls for gifts of folly . . ."

But even as we contemplate heading for the malls and the annual holiday shopping spree, plastic in hand, a slightly sour note can be heard, timidly competing for our ears with the traditional chorus of Christmas carols.

For ‘tis also the season for the merry media to solemnly balance all those alluring ads with a column of solemn advice about the evil men can do even unto themselves with credit cards.

Don’t, you are advised, charge more than you can afford, for the piper must be paid.

Don’t, you are told, just pay the minimum amount the card men so thoughtfully highlight on your bill, for that only puts off the piper – with compound interest.

Don’t, you are admonished, carry a balance and pay late and max out and otherwise dig a hole you can’t crawl out of until long after your holly, jolly Christmas is a hung over memory of broken baubles and overdue bills.

Don’t, in short, be a credit card dummy. It’s never too late to cut back, pay up, ax the cards and vow never again.

Now this is fairly good advice if you can hear it over the ads. But I for one hope you don’t take it to heart.. For if the two thirds of you who pay the interest, the fees and the penalties were to kick the habit, who would reimburse the card men for the sweet secret deal they cut for the rest of us who pay the piper on time?

What’s the secret deal? Don’t you remember that bundle of sugar coated enticements that led you to sign up in the first place? Or didn’t you notice when they took the candy away piece by piece because you ignored the balance, were late to pay and went over your limit? The card men counted on that and you didn’t let them down.

You were naive enough to play by their rules, while we savvy ones took the deal they had to offer everyone in order to hook and land you. Then we made up some even better rules of our own to follow. Whether rich or poor, you can too:

Rule 1. Never pick a card that charges an annual fee or entices you with low interest rates. Cards that charge the dummies the highest rates can afford the best deals for the rest of us.

Rule 2. Only consider cards that pay you back a percent or two of what you charge and give you a payment grace period to boot. The lower the thresholds at which rebates start, the higher the rebate percentages and the longer the grace period the better the card. (Cash rebates are best, but discounted gift cards and airlines miles can be golden for some. )

Rule 3. Pick and use a one best card, forsaking all others, to avoid more than one rebate threshold.

Rule 4. Only use your card when you don’t have to, but when you don’t have to always use your card. Forget cash, checks and especially debit cards. They don’t pay and the last two can cost you in postage and hidden fees, respectively.

Rule 5. Pay always as close to the last day of the grace period as you safely can. The better cards will let you schedule your payment on that day as a direct withdrawal from your checking account. That way tardy snail mail can’t ding you for a late payment penalty.

Play by these rules and you join the one third of us who get paid to use our cards and also enjoy an interest free loan from the time we buy to the end of that well named grace period.

Let the card and ad people get their loot from the remaining dummies. Long may they pay!